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NLP Course Lesson 10: New Rules to Live By (Values, Rules & Daily Rituals)
Free NLP Course for Business Owners · Lesson 10 of 11
📍 Where this lesson comes from
In my 2021 coaching plan this was the session called “New Rules to Live By” (a Meta-Coaching process, 2 of the 18 hours). This free lesson is a self-guided introduction to the same topic, not the original coaching session.
You have rules for when you're allowed to feel successful, and many business owners set them so high they almost never get there. This lesson helps you find your values, rewrite your rules so the right actions count as wins, and build daily rituals that keep you on track.
Values: what's important to you about your business?
Values are the things that matter most to you: freedom, security, family, creativity, respect, growth, quality, fun. They drive your decisions whether you name them or not, so it pays to name them.
📓 Find your values (15 minutes)
- Ask yourself: "What's important to me about my business?" Write 8 to 12 answers quickly, without editing.
- For each answer, ask: "And what's important about that?" Money might lead to security, and security to peace of mind. Write down the deeper values you find.
- Rank your top five. When two values compete, ask: "If I could only have one of these, which would I pick?"
- Compare your top five with your calendar and your bank statement. Where do your time and money actually go? Wherever they don't match your values, you'll usually find stress.
💡 Example (fictional): the baker's values
Rosa owns a custom cake business. Her top five values came out as family, security, craftsmanship, freedom and respect. Her calendar showed 70-hour weeks, and her bank statement showed money leaking into rush fees caused by last-minute orders. Family and freedom were losing. Her changes: a firm cut-off date for custom orders and no work after 6 pm on weekdays. Fewer rush jobs also meant better margins, which served security too.
Rules: when do you let yourself feel successful?
For each value, you have a rule that decides whether it has been met: "I feel successful when..." Many owners carry rules that are close to impossible: "I'm successful when every customer is 100% happy, I never make a mistake, and I'm making $20,000 a month." Others make bad feelings easy: "I'm a failure if I get one bad review."
Better rules are in your control, can be met every day, and reward the actions that lead to results:
Old rule
"I'm successful when I hit $20,000 a month."
New rule: "I'm successful any day I contact five customers, ship every order on time and learn one thing."
Old rule
"I've failed when a customer complains."
New rule: "When a customer complains, I'm doing my job well if I answer within a day and fix what I can."
The idea of examining and rewriting your personal rules was popularized by Tony Robbins in his book Awaken the Giant Within (1991), and it fits naturally at the end of a coaching program. You keep the ambition. You just stop making yourself wrong every day you haven't arrived yet.
Standards: rules for your business
Write three to five standards your business keeps no matter what. Standards build trust, and trust builds reviews and referrals. For example:
- "Every message gets an answer within one business day."
- "We never promise a date we can't hit."
- "Every order gets a thank-you."
Put them where you and your team can see them.
Daily rituals
Morning, 10 minutes
Fire your anchor (Lesson 4), read your 12-month page (Lesson 9), write today's top three actions, and do the hardest one first.
Evening, 5 minutes
In your notebook: three wins, one lesson, and tomorrow's first step.
Weekly, 30 minutes
Check your numbers against your Lesson 1 baseline, review your WOOP (Lesson 9), and plan the week.
📓 Notebook checklist for Lesson 10
- My top five values, in order.
- My old success rule and my new one, plus one rewritten "failure" rule.
- Three to five business standards.
- My morning, evening and weekly rituals, written as a short checklist.
🔬 What the research says
New routines take time to become automatic. In a study led by Phillippa Lally at University College London, the researchers estimated that a typical participant needed about 66 days before a new daily behavior became close to fully automatic, with estimates ranging from 18 to 254 days depending on the person and the habit. Missing a single day didn't seriously set people back. So give your new rituals at least two months before you judge them, and don't quit after one bad day.
🎧 Go deeper for free
- YouTubeValues Elicitation, live demonstration · Drs. Tad James & Adriana JamesA live demonstration of drawing out someone's values. 4 minutes.
- YouTubeForget big change, start with a tiny habit · BJ Fogg at TEDxFremontA Stanford behavior researcher on building habits by starting very small. 17 minutes.
- PodcastHow To Elicit Values: Practical NLP Podcast 70 · Practical NLP PodcastFinding your values with simple questions.
- PodcastHow the Science of Habits Can Help Us Keep Our New Year's Resolutions, with Wendy Wood, PhD · Speaking of Psychology (American Psychological Association)The research behind building daily rituals that stick.
- ReadHierarchies of Criteria · Robert Dilts, NLP UniversityHow to draw out and rank values by asking questions.
These free resources were made by other people, and some of them also sell paid trainings. Listing a resource is not an endorsement of anything it sells, and these are plain links with no affiliate codes.
Quick check
What are values in NLP and coaching?
The things that matter most to you, such as security, freedom or quality, which drive your decisions and motivation.
What are personal rules?
The conditions you set for when a value is met, for example what has to happen for you to feel successful. Rules you control and can meet daily tend to work better than outcome-only rules.
How long does it take to build a habit?
In one well-known study, researchers estimated that a typical participant needed about 66 days for a new daily behavior to become close to automatic, with estimates from 18 to 254 days.
📚 All 11 lessons in this course
- Start HereWhat NLP is and isn't, how the course works, your first homework
- Lesson 1: Your Starting PointYour money and business history, plus your baseline numbers
- Lesson 2: Well-Formed OutcomesGoals your brain can actually hit
- Lesson 3: The Goal-Blocker DetectorMeta Model questions for your excuses and for customers
- Lesson 4: Triggers, States & AnchoringSpot what knocks you off balance and get your best state back
- Lesson 5: Clearing Negative EmotionsTimeline reflection and reframing
- Lesson 6: Limiting Beliefs About Money & SellingFind them, question them, test them
- Lesson 7: Fear of Rejection & SetbacksThe movie-theater technique, the swish and perceptual positions
- Lesson 8: Rapport That SellsNoticing, matching, backtracking, pacing and leading
- Lesson 9: Create Your FutureVision, future pacing and WOOP
- Lesson 10: New Rules to Live By (you are here)Values, rules and daily rituals
- Lesson 11: Your One-Page Breakthrough PlanOne printable page and a 30-day practice plan
About this course. Evolve & Earn is a free learning section of the QualityPerfection blog. This course is published by QualityPerfection and is based on our owner Ben's 2021 coaching plan and on free public resources. It is for education only and is not therapy or medical, legal or financial advice. People in the examples are made up.
Time Line Therapy® is a registered trademark of its owner. NLP, Meta-Coaching and other method names are used here only to describe the techniques. Mentioning them does not imply any endorsement by, or connection with, their owners.
QualityPerfection makes custom can coolers for small businesses, events and weddings. Try our free online design tool →
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